tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC January 28, 2010 12:05am-1:05am EST
union. hours earlier, it was apple's steve jobs with a breakthrough announcement of his own, introducing the world to the new ipad. so, tonight we ask you, which will be the bigger game changer? obama on jobs or steve jobs? tell us what you think by clicking on the new mexico page at abc news or on the "nightline" twitter page. and that is our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmyhi, i'm jimmy kimmel. joining me tonight, from "when in rome," kate micucci, and music from mayer hawthorne. mel gibson is here in what critics are calling the role of a lifetime. >> it's show time. >> okay. >> it's always show time. >> jimmy: i agree. and it's guillermo's birthday
>> jimmy: that's -- that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i appreciate that. you're very kind, and -- you know, before the show we asked we say to the audience, please don't stand when jimmy comes out, but you couldn't resist the urge. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. did anyone in our studio audience tonight watch the president's speech? this is why our audience has been voted most apathetic for eight years running. well, tonight in washington, the president, barack obama, he's the president now, he gave us -- he gave his second state of the union address before a joint session of congress. joint session sounds like more fun than it is, but -- guillermo
nay have had a joint session of congress earlier. there's been a -- [ applause ] there's been a lot of speculation as to which of our many problems the president would focus on, health care, unemployment, the rs, the octo-mom, take your pick. but obama decided, instead of singling things out, he decided to just go for it and put it all out on the table. >> thank you very much. thank you. please. madame speaker, vice president biden, members of congress, distinguished guests and fellow americans. we are [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you have to admire his candor, you really do.
[ applause ] i think he's right. the speech tonight was pretty much the same thing we hear over and over again, asking us for patient and a willingness to sacrifice, thingwe are totally unwilling to do as americans. but then after the president spoke, the republicans gave their rebuttal, during which they pointed out that obama has repeatedly failed to solve any of the problems they created under president bush, and these things, these state of the union addresses are great, because if the esident is a democrat, the democrats cheer for everything he says, and if the president is a republican, they cheer for everything the republican says, and vice versa, all that stuff. and there's a lot of applauding. too much. watch joe biden here, because it is extremely important at one of these events to know when and when not to clap. >> in this new decade, it's time the american people get a government that matches their decency, that embodies their
strength. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's -- don't want to jump the gun. it's the same thing every year. neither one of these parties cares as much about the country as being the one that gets to run the country. it's a big waste of air time that could be better spent on celebrities ice skating or conveyor belts of love, things like that. though i have to admit, i did like the new state of the union opening theme song. ♪ it's the state state state ♪ state of the union ♪ barack obama's gonna tell us how our union is doing ♪ >> it's the 220th annual state of the union address, with joe biden, hillary clinton, nancy pelosi, harry reid, john mccain, lady gaga, snoop dogg, joe the
plumber, the vi of pandora. khloe kardashian, vince from shamwow, and many more. ♪ it's gonna be him ♪ to get us out of this mess ♪ it's the state state state ♪ state of the union [ applause ] >> jimmy: it's no -- it's no "facts of life" theme but you know, better than "small wonder." i want to wish a happy birthday to our little pal guillermo. [ applause ] he started celebrating early. how old are you tonight, guillermo? >> 39. >> jimmy: 39 years old. now, i remember, four years ago you told me you were 30. some how you've aged in a shockingly fast way.
were you losing roles to kate hudson? what was happening? >> well, everybody lie about their age, so -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: somebody's mucho baracho tonight. >> it's a special day. >> jimmy: it is. >> but 39 but i look like 29. >> jimmy: you're not supposed to say that about yourself. actually, you do look like you are 29. now, guillermo's mother called him to wish him happy birthday today, and he came into my office to play me the voicemail. listen to this. this is guillermo's mom saying happy birthday. zblz happy birthday to you ♪ ♪ happy birthday dear son ♪ happy birthday to you it's mommy. i love you, bye. [ applause ] >>immy: very cute. ry cute.
is your mother real or a cartoon? >> no, she's real. >> jimmy: she's real. all right, happy birthday, guillermo. if anyone deserves a birthday -- [ cheers and applause ] more important tiger woods news today. according to "us weekly," tiger woods is at a sex rehab facility in mississippi and his wife is staying nearby at brett favre's ranch. yeah. one more interception for brett favre this week, i guess. [ applause ] i tell you something, if -- i don't want to indicate anything, but i would be worried about elin staying at a place at which they castrate bulls. just me. this is kind of crazy. diddy, the rapper and cologne maker just gave his son justin a $360,000 car for his 16th birthday. he gave him the maybach.
he must really do the hell out of his chores is all i can figure. 16 years old, driving a $360,000 car. that -- you know, i want to take this opportunity to thank my dad for, well, not giving me, but occasionally letting me drive his tan 1973 chevy impala station wagon when i turned 16. not the same, but -- [ applause ] that was -- a little tip for parents out there, and i speak from experience when i say if it drives to school in a tan 1973 impala, abstinence works. [ laughter ] if only diddy were my daddy, things would have been very different. dr. oz had a weird show today. it was about aging andhe affects of aging on the body. so, the makeup artist at the show did their best to make dr. oz look like an old man. >> welcome. welcome to the show. so, how do i look?
do i look okay? what do you think? interested? impressed? meet the 90-year-old dr. oz. >> i don't know, the 90-year-old looks more like a 40-year-old dr. zayis to me. but still has the stool of a 19-year-old. super bowl xliv is between the new orleans saintsnd the indianapolis colts, set for the sunday after next in miami. right now, the comets are favored by 5 1/2 points. tickets are very hard to come by. you can expect to pay a lot more than face value unless you're as lucky as these folks. >> season ticket holders have been finding out whether or not they've won that super bowl ticket lottery, and now we're standing outside waiting to see the first super bowl tickets come out of the administration building. >> they're pretty. they are pretty. >> look at that.
that's the back. >> jimmy: wow, that's -- [ applause ] that is what they get for hiding the tickets inside pouches of chewing tobacco. basketball news, greg oden of the portland trail blazers is getting unwanted attention as a result of nude photos of him that have surfaced online. he took them of himself which is a bright thing to do. he's totally nude, so we have to cover certain parts. this is greg. you can see he's got quite the andy dick there, covering him up. he called a press conference today apologize and answer a series of what turned out to be embarrassing questionsrom the press. >> i just would like to apologize to everybody in portland, the fans, the organization. >> greg, are you feeling like a fool with your pants on the ground? >> you nope, i definitely learned a lot sims it happened.
>> jimmy: okay, all right, well, that's the important thing. two weeks ago, that wouldn't have made any sense at all, and now it's practically our national anthem. thank you, "american idol." after many months of speculation, a much anticipated announcement today from apple unveiling their latest product. most experts predicted they would introduce a new tablet device for customers that love the ipne but which it was the size of a lean cuisine frozen dinner. apple threw us a curve. here's steve jobs with the big announcement this morning in san francisco. >> let me show it to you now. this is what it looks like. you can browse the web with it, and you can manipulate with your [ bleep ]. it an incredible experience. >> jimmy: as a wearer of old fashioned fabric pants, i cannot wait. one more thing. this is -- for science buffs in our audience and i'm guessing we
have none, but india today announced that they're planning their first ever manned space mission, it's going to take place in 2016. inld ya is going to the -- i guess the moon. i don't know. it's a huge step for the world's largest democry. they are very serious about it. they've been doing training missio and somehow we were able to obtain footage from indian mission control. >> mission control, this is india alpha one, do you copy? >> hello sir, my name is corey smith. how can i offer you excellent customer service today? >> rear thrusters will not deploy. please advise. >> i am sorry, sir. we do not offer technical support to items from third party vendors. you'll have to con ticket them. >> what? who is this? i demand to speak to your superior officer. >> please hold, sir, and i will forward your call. >> i'll hold. ♪ >> hello, sir, my name is corey
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>> jim >> jimmy: hi there, we're back. thanks for watching before you drift off to sweet, sweet sleep. with us tonight, from the movie "when in rome," kate micucci is here. funny young lady. also tonight, making his network television debut, this is his first album, called "a strange arrangement," mayer hawthorne from the bud light golden wheat stage. tomorrow, will arnett, kim raver, and music from slightly stoopid.
then friday, josh duhamel, shorty rossi, and john mayer. so please stop ignoring me. it's embarrassing. our first guest tonight is an actor, director and oscar-winner whom you know from three "mad maxes," four "lethal weapons and one "apocalypto." his first starring role in seven years is called "edge of darkness." it opens in theaters friday. please say hello to mel gibson. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, it's good to see you. >> you, too. how you been? >> jimmy: doing well. see, guillermo, i told you i'd get mel gibson to come to your birthday party. >> happy birthbirthday, man. >> guillermo, right? >> jimmy: close enough. >> guillermo, yeah. >> happy birthday, man. guillermo. >> jimmy: he's been in the country for how long? >> 18, 19 years. >> longer than me, dude.
>> jimmy: don't worry. he can't pronounce our names, either. last time you were here, as i recall, was the night before you were supposed to go for jury duty. and what happened with that? >> well, i went in, i sort of, and i begged, you know, to get out of it. and they let me out of it. begging really works. >> jimmy: it did? did you -- how did you do it? because this is a good tip. >> on your knees is good. >> jimmy: really? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: really? i heard people, when they beg -- >> it made the public servants feel empowered. >> jimmy: you had no interest in doing that? >> no. >> jimmy: i don't blame you. >> i walked up the stairs behind phil spector so i thought, oh, god -- >> jimmy: really? >> i thought, thiss going to go on forever. i offered to pick up traesh on the highways for a month. >> jimmy: yeah, really. you could have been in -- imagine if you had been on the phil spector jury. that would have been unbelievable.
>> he was having a bad hair day that day, too. >> jimmy: he's having a bad hair life. >> yeah. >> jimmy: oh, i'm sorry to offend the phil spector fans. >> that's right. >> jimmy: congratulations. since the last time i saw you, you had a baby, a baby girl. and you were nice enough -- wow, look at that. she's adorable. >> yeah, those birthmarks, man. >> jimmy: how many kids now for you? >> this is eight. >> jimmy: eight? that's a lot of kids. >> it's a lot. >> jimmy: and how many -- you're from a big family yourself. >> i am. i have ten brothers and sisters. >> jimmy: ten? wow. 11 total kids? >> yep. >> jimmy: that's a lot. did you have to battle for a piece of toast or -- >> well, that kind of thing happened. i had a lot of brothers around the same age, including a set of twins and an older brother. he's okay now. >> jimmy: that's how it works. >> things did get heated. >> jimmy: would it just be the
brothers or -- >> the sisters, too. i remember stapling my sister's head with one of those guns one day. and just before my father beat the daylights out of me, he got a claw hammer to put it off so she wouldn't set off the airport thing. >> jimmy: wow. wow. that's a dangerous home. >> it is. yeah. it was like living with mo howard. >> jimmy: yeah. is your sister able to get through the airport now? >> oh, yeah. it's -- she's fine. she's my best friend. it's great. >> jimmy: she is? >> she's great. >> jimmy: well -- you never get as close to someone as when you staple their head. >> absolutely. you have all that stuff out of the way. >> jimmy: i've always said that. >> smooth sailing. >> jimmy: i want to ask -- i have a photograph that instreaks me. i want to ask you what is happening in this photograph here. >> oh, yeah, okay. oh, god. where are we going here? well -- yes, i'm --
>> jimmy: you have a stuffed animal on your hand. >> it's a beaver, yes. >> jimmy: it is a beaver. it is a beaver. why -- why? >> well, because -- >> jimmy: this is how you got out of jury duty? your honor, my attorney would like to speak to you. [ applause ] what is happening there? >> well, i made this film with jody foster, it's called "the beaver" -- >> jimmy: it is not called "the beaver." >> that's the name of it. a man who finds this ratty looking beaver puppet in a dumpster and he overcomes things with this -- >> jimmy: with the beaver? wellhow are you going to promote this movie? this -- even the posters are offensive. are you -- >> i know. well, i -- hey, we'll see how it runs. didn't cost much to make so if it goes down, it's okay. >> jimmy: are you done shooting "the beaver?" >> i'm done. >> jimmy: you are.
[ laughter ] now, so -- all right, so, well -- that will be something else. i can't -- i'm -- >> can't wait to see the reviews "the beaver" we don't give a damn. >> jimmy: i didn't realize it has been such awhile since you were a star of a movie. is it weird not being the director of the film? >> well, it was odd to step back, to jump back in the saddle and not have so much to do. i felt like i was underused. i was in the trailer going, what do i do now? someone else was setting up the shot. >> jimmy: you realize how easy actors have it. >> it is a much easier gig, by the way. >> jimmy: you are killing like crazy and beating people up. >> did you -- >> jimmy: i loved that. great job in the movie. it's a real thriller. >> it's a thriller, yeah. and got an emotional core. i heard people sniffuling. >> jimmy: unless it has an emotional core, it just becomes boring, but there's a real story there, i don't want to give too
muff much away. this is an angry dad who is a boston cop and you had to -- well, you had to learn a boston accent. >> the whole nine yards. >> jimmy: did you go to boston to do that? >> i did. i hung out with the detectives. did you practice to them? >> yeah, i just imitated them. >> jimmy: you did? >> spat it back at them. >> jimmy: and they were -- would they tell you if it was bad? >> oh, they don't make -- they're the toughest crowd ever, these guys. they're really nice guys, but they don't -- no [ bleep ] and it's like, that's who they are. >> jimmy: that's how they are. did they like your accent? >> apparently. tommy duffy said, you did great, kid. he was like -- >> jimmy: if you get that from tommy, you're in good shape. we have a clip here of the film, and i think you need probably to set this up a little. >> i forgot what it is. >> jimmy: it's from the movie. i know that for sure. >> no, he's terrorizing a senator. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> don't we all want to
terrorize the senator. >> jimmy: i think it's the senator's assistant or pr guy. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: the guy who plays the senator is great in the movie, too. he's weird looking, scary looking. >> absolutely. >> jimmy: okay, so, a clip here, we don't know really what it is but let's hope for the best. >> these debts are the result of a conspiracy by one of your major campaign con trib torps. >> why did you include your daughter. her death was an accident. >> no, she was poisoned by mr. benne bennett. oh, you think i'm scaring you senator. it's probably not too much upside to scaring a senator except to provide some p perspecti perspective. i'm going to gnow, but i want you to call everybody concerned and tell them ill know everything i need to know. you investigate this on a national level. you do that, maybe you'll come out of this all right. i don't know. i don't think you knew that the
people you werin business with killed my daughter. but now that you do know, what are you going to do about it? >> jimmy: there you go. that's "edge of darkness," opens friday. people are -- i think it will be a big hit and i'm never wrong with this sort of thing. >> i hope so. >> jimmy: are you working on a project -- you take on big things. >> yeah, i've been thinking about it for the last six years and i knocked it off on the sly but it's pretty good. >> jimmy: are you directing it? >> yeah, i wrote it, directed it, i acted. the whole thing. i did the camera work, the craft service, everything. >> jimmy: really? what is the subject of this one? >> well -- it's actually you. i did a film about you. >> jimmy: about me personally? >> yes, like a bio-pic. the jimmy kimmel story. >> jimmy: interesting. i'm flattered. i didn't -- i thought -- >> i had nothing better to do. >> jimmy: you should have scouted med or something -- i think you'll be mre sanltly
surprised. >> jimmy: you do? how far along are you? >> well, we're almost finished but i brought, like, kind of a trailer. >> jimmy: you did? well, this is -- i have to say this is a surprise to me, but -- well, let's take a look at -- not his next movie, but the movie coming up after that, mel gibson. take a look. >> this will be a hit. >> pardon me. we need to talk about tonight's show? so -- what do you think of that oprah bit? jimmy? >> what? >> do you like that idea? >> for what? >> oprah bit? >> i don't know. what do you think? >> i don't think it's good. >> it stinks.
>> from the director of "braveheart" and "from justin to kelly,". >> we need more monkeys! >> animal segments? >> no. monkeys as guests. >> you know, there's actually a lot of very strict rules -- >> then bend the rules! and, i want a harpoon an endangered whale live on the show. go, go, go. make it happen. make it happen. make it happen. >> based on a true story like "precious." >> jimmy. >> go away. it's jimmy's special spinning time. >> the low starts in two minutes. you need to go over your cue cards. >> you know i can't read. >> power.
madness. >> who flushed my masterpiece? >> gibson is kimmel. >> best show ever! best show ever! >> wiggly pigly, the jimmy kimmel story. >> this film is not yet rated. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, that's -- >> we got that one in the bag. >> jimmy: that looks really great. >> really in the bag. you got it in the bag. >> jimmy: you know, i don't know about that, but i do recommend you go see "edge of darkness" out on friday. we'll be right back with kate micucci. music playing )
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comedy "when in rome," opening friday. say hello to the multi-talented kate micucci. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. how are you? >> i'm good. how are you doing? >> jimmy: good. did you meet mel? >> well, i saw him in passing. but i -- he actually was the speaker at my college graduation so we go way back, yeah. >> jimmy: really? wow. really. what college did you go to. >> i went to loyola mary mount. >> jimmy: do you remember what the theme was? >> i don't really remember his speech. but i do remember that, like, everybody five minutes or so, somebody in the crowd would scream "freedom!" and it never got old. >> jimmy: you guys, maybe. maybe to him it was a little bit different. where are you from originally? >> i was born in new jersey but
i grew up in pennsylvania, nazareth, pennsylvania. small down. >> jimmy: do you go back there much? >> well, christmas, of course, to visit my family. and then every 4th of july, i go home for the annual kazoo parade. >> jimmy: i mentioned that. is it a hobby? >> just a hobby. i keep one in my car, you know, for, like, stuck in traffic. >> jimmy: do you have a good one or just -- >> no, just the plastic ones, you know. but yeah, i have a bunch. all different colors. and -- >> jimmy: you must be rich. >> let me tell you. i save up for those. but no, it's kind of funny. because i think tomorrow is national kazoo day, before the way. >> jimmy: it is? >> so, everybody get ready. national kazoo day eve today, so -- >> jimmy: what goes on in the, on july 4th, exactly? >> well, they have a patriotic kazoo parade, and it great. the whole town, i come from a pretty small town and so
everybody, you know, they get together, they meet at the high school and we are assigned songs and you are supposed to wear red, white and blue. i got red stars to put on my outfit. and then we all march through the town, and we play these patriotic numbers and, well, one time i was, you know, i don't see many people very often from home, so i would say hi, i was talking to everyone and i got yelled at because somebody yelled, less socializing, more kazooing, and i was like, okay, okay. i ran back. i got a kazoo here. >> jimmy: that would make more a great state slogan. >> that's the new license plate. >> jimmy: put that on a coin. >> and then the last year was a bummer because they decided, people complained they weren't able to march and kazoo at the same time so they made us stay in a field and play standing up, not marching. i'm writing a letter to the mayor. we're bringing back the pa raid.
>> jimmy: angry letter to the mayor. >> i feel like we just put the people not confident in march, throw them on a float. >> jimmy: if people can't keep up with marching and kazooing, maybe they should step aside and watch. >> they can do the socializing. >> jimmy: does that tie into the clowning that you've done? >> oh -- >> jimmy: you worked as a party clown? >> yeah, but it didn't last very long. two weeks. my name was silly jilly. it was terrible. >> jimmy: did you pick that name? >> no. >> jimmy: who gave it to you? >> my boss. >> jimmy: oh. your boss. >> yeah, she was a clown, too. >> jimmy: well, sure. managed by a civilian. >> but it was pretty bad. i didn't last long. >> jimmy: why? >> well, you know, kids -- it's a myth. i think kids really don't like clowns. parents think that kids like clowns, but clowns are scary. >> jimmy: yeah, they are. >> yareally.
>> jimmy: you're right. >> so i found -- i showed up at a house to be a birthday party clown and, hi, kids, silly jilly, you know, and the kids could care less. but the parents thought, oh, here's the clown, you know, and i had to make balloon animals and pop-its. >> jimmy: clowns are terrifying to children and to adults in lot of ways, too. glad you gave that up. now, we have -- i want to ask you about this, because you had a job as a professional sandcastle instructor? how does one get that job? >> well, i don't really know. my brother -- my brother was -- that's a dog, a sand dog. >> jimmy: oh, i know. >> that was like as big as a couch. pretty big. >> jimmy: the bowl is big, too. >> a boy put stones in there. wh that was the year of the big, for the chinese new year. >> jimmy: why not make a pig out of sand? and what's going on in this photograph and what is this? >> that's me driving a sand
ship. it's funny, because it's -- it looks more like a pile of sand, really. >> jimmy: what qualifies you to get a job as a sandcastle builder? >> well, my brother was working at a hotel at the beach in santa monica and he heard they were looking for a&castle building instructor. he said, my sister is good at that. i said, i don't really know -- they paid me a lot of money to go to the beach. and the better part about that job is, most of the time, nobody showed up, so, i got paid to hang out on the beach. it was pretty good. >> jimmy: wow, why would you give that job up? >> oh, i got busy. >> jimmy: you had -- well, you know, yeah, the stupid acting gets ithe way of everything. >> the sandcastle building. >> jimmy: congratulations on your success. you're in the movie "when in rome." and i heard you are going to be on the sitcom "till death." >> yes, it's starting this sunday on fox.
>> jimmy: and up play the daughter on that show. >> i do. i play the daughter of brad garrett and julie fisher, but i -- well, halfway through the season i do. before, i'm a waitress in one episode. >> jimmy: you start as a waitress and then they adopt you? >> no, there's no -- there is a bit of an explanation. one week i went in and played a waitress and the next week they said, hey, we're making you the daughter. so, i don't know what order the episodes will air. i might be a daughter and then a waitress or vice versa. >> jimmy: the magic of television. there it is. congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: kate micucci, everyby. "when in rome" opens on friday. we'll be right back with mayer hawthorne. at&t's etwork
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♪ lipstick on your lips when you say those words so sweet ♪ ♪ oh, have mercy darlin i'm beggin' you please but when we're all alone girl ♪ ♪ and there's no one else in sight and i'm holding you so tight and so true ♪ ♪ well then you pull away, girl just when i think that i'm home ♪ ♪ and you leave me all alone and i'm feelin' so blue ♪ ♪ your easy lovin' ain't pleasin' nothin' yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ forget teasin' huggin' i need that tender lovin' care ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah c'mon ♪ ♪ ♪ you know i need you girl come on darlin'
don't be scared ♪ ♪ it's as natural as the birds and the bees ♪ ♪ out there on the floor when you're dancin' next to me ♪ ♪ oh, have mercy darlin' i'm beggin' you please ♪ ♪ when we're all alone and there's no one else in sight ♪ ♪ and i'm holdin' you so tight and so true ♪ ♪ well then you pull away girl when there's magic in the air ♪ ♪ and you leave me hangin' there and i'm feelin' so blue ♪ ♪ your easy lovin' ain't pleasin' nothin' yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ forget teasin' huggin' i need that tender lovin' car♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ooh ♪ ♪
♪ i don't want nobody else but when i got you by yourself ♪ ♪ come on come on your easy lovin' ♪ ♪ ain't pleasin' nothin' yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ forget teasin' huggin' i need that tender lovi care ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah your easy lovin' ♪ ♪ ain't pleasin' nothin' yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪ forget teasin' huggin' i need that tender lovin' care ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪ ♪
mmmmm... ( crash ) when you add velveeta to spicy rotel tomatoes and green chiles, you've got a queso so good, it'll blow 'em away. - ( crash ) - man, that's good! velveeta & rotel. amazing. let me, uh, tell my family about this. okay. "facebook on tv." watch this. [ ding ] boom. cool. boom. nice. wait for it. and... boom? boom. [ male announcer ] facebook on your tv and three times more very satisfied customers than comcast.